Futbol and Its Discontents

A recent study by Boston University disclosed that “up to 75 percent” of former NFL players who died over a 15-year period suffered from CTE (or chronic traumatic encephalopathy).

This should not be confused with BSE (bovine spongiform encephalopathy), or “Mad Cow Disease,” which caused your writer to stop eating red meat, or my second-favorite disease, kuru, which, for the sake of reader peace of mind, I will not discuss further here.

Now, of course, this sample was self-selected because the families of the deceased noticed that they had been going off the rails for years.

What does this mean? The article fails to say out loud that, um, maybe the game itself presents a risk?

I used to want a tarantula for a pet (tarantulas being friendly, unjustly avoided critters) until I found out that, removed from their sand-covered desert home, these creatures are at risk of fatal falls.

Maybe humans are more fragile than we had previously suspected. Several high schools have ended their youth football programs. Are they being overcautious? You tell me.

Whenever a potential liability rears its ugly head, certain parties will run the other way. I would do the same if I valued my bankroll.

What about instilling Manly Values? What about the value of Sportsmanship?

The Kennedys—at least the males in the family—used to play touch football in Hyannis Port. LBJ criticized future President Gerald Ford, a retired sports star, by saying, “The boy played football without a helmet.”

The doctors, if one chooses to listen to them, all say that CTE is caused by repeated blows to the head.

KN’s doctor has caused her to pop a daily vitamin B12 supplement since she has disavowed the cheeseburger diet. This deficiency can be remedied by the consumption of additional fatty fish, dairy products, etc. Or a B12 pill.

The question at hand is, what might be a good substitute for the manly sport of football? We see sports stars being carted off the playing field daily in other venues: basketball, hockey. What to do? Would we be reduced to Scrabble, chess? The National Spelling Bee?—Kathryn Nocerino